They had it so easy- yes yes, growing up in South Africa in the late 50’s had its disadvantages for our parents and I am by no means blind to the “struggle”. I do think however that ignoring the struggles of todays’ young people is ignorant, these are the gen Y’s or the millenials (if you’re familiar with this term then you probably are one). They’re (I’m included in this) aged from about 12 to mid-30’s. While the old folk had to deal with apartheid, potential poverty, limited access to education; having to support a family from a young age and in my parents culture (though not them specifically); arranged marriages; we too have struggles.
The sad thing is sometimes I think they had it really easy. The difficulty with privilege (or more accurately middle class) is that pretty much off the bat (thanks to our parent who worked very hard to provide for us) we have already fulfilled our needs of the bottom 3 tiers of Maslows dreaded Hierarchy, and if you had a semi loving and supportive upbringing such as myself you’ve pretty much got most of the 4th tier down as well.
At my age my mom had already been married for 3 years and had a 2 year old kid (I was to come two years later). I often feel a little bitter to the fact that I did everything I could to become a successful adult. I worked hard at school (the term hard being used very loosely here). Went to University (continued to work “hard”) and got my degree. I then went and found a job; was relatively ok with it and progressed, the rest is still to be written but for where I am right now- I have technically ticked all the boxes that my parents laid out for me. But I’m still apparently “lacking”.
Although no pressure is directly applied on me to find a partner, I can feel the anticipation in every breath of my parents- I can’t go to a family members house without hearing a phrase along the lines of “soon you’ll be bringing someone home” in a pitch that’s too high and dripping in desperation. The need to raise a family and find a partner isn’t high on my personal list of goals- but I’ve recently found myself feeling it move slowly up the rungs of said list based solely on the external pressure around me. It infuriates me to no end as I think our parents worked so hard so that they could offer us a better life. But whose version of better?
My folks pretty much had zero money to study growing up. The fact that they are brown also limited their access to all faculties. Then there’s us (the 12- 34 year old middle class); who have unlimited access to information and education. My mom literally had the choice of being a teacher or bank teller. I remember very clearly when I received the bright orange Faculty of Business hand book at University bulging with courses I didn’t even know existed at the time. At 18 I could barely make a decision about where I wanted to eat let alone start studying towards a profession that I would inevitably be doing for the rest of my life. I still think the number one thing that challenges us millenials are the endless options we have.
If I had to compare life to an exam- our parents “breezed” through their papers having an open book with 4 TRUE OR FALSE questions, pass mark being 30%. We on the other hand have a paper with 8760 questions – no part marks given, negative marking, MCQ questions have: “choose A to ZD” and the balance being essay questions. I at one point (before finding out I was not quite bright enough for the task) wanted to become a CA for the sole purpose that the path is very clearly mapped out for you. I think the number of options we have is also a bit of a tease because if a choice was truly given to me to do whatever I wanted- I’d be living in a hut on a beach in Mozambique teaching surfing lessons to the holiday makers during the day and drinking rum around a beach fire at night (Disclaimer: I have never been to Mozam nor do I know how to surf but with limitless possibilities anything is possible right).
Dating is also a bit of joke to us millenials- not to say meaningful partnerships don’t exist- but there are so many options; though I am sure singles in their mid-20’s would disagree with me based on their incredibly shallow dating pool. However if you really look around there are tons of single guys that are perfectly nice that probably won’t hit you, expect you to be a baby maker or throw hot oil on you if you don’t cook a meal to their specifications (this is a South Indian thing- not sure if the reference is a bit too dark). They are probably just not attractive enough, don’t driver the right car (if you’re THAT girl), have the right job, live in the right area or does not exhibit the perfect mix of humor, intelligence and masculinity that us women have come to expect from watching too many Katherine Heigl movies. The “problem” is once again too many options – we have the option to wait till we are in our mid-30’s to get married, but because we get conflicting messages from the older folk (parents, grandparents etc.), single ladies in their 20’s are often made to feel like they have not met their potential in this area of their life.
We are the lucky ones who get to reach that top tier of the hierarchy so young in our lives. This is great and I often think (despite my atheism) that I am truly blessed to be part of a time when a women can vote, be equal to men in the work place (and have random sexual partners without being considered a slut). Even aside from the women liberation; people liberation in general seems to be at all-time high (In SA anyway) I see little to no racism, sexism, ageism (aside from the ageist slurs I throw around from time to time), almost no religious discrimination and people are even free to be “nerds” if they want to (though that definition is constantly changing and a whole different topic).
With most of the big “wins” already won. What is really left now- marriage, kids, retirement (not necessarily in that order)? Or do we go down the other path, cure World Hunger, dreaded diseases and violence? Do we find mundane jobs that we are convinced truly fulfill us at all possible levels and make decent (but not spectacular) money, sit in bars every night and talk about things that we don’t really know anything about? Do we spend our time being “moral” and giving our time and money to charity (not a bad thing) because we feel guilty that our lives are not our forefather’s version of difficult?
With all the options available to us, the possibilities are endless…