I recently read about something called chronic fatigue syndrome, I hastily scanned the article to pin point symptoms of this disorder that could easily (based on the name alone) be the reason for all my problems.
As I read through; my dreams were very quickly dissipating, and don’t get me wrong, I am by no means a hypochondriac, I do not wish diseases upon myself nor do I constantly think that I’m ill. I just thought that perhaps there was a medical excuse for my general demeanor, unfortunately the only disorder I suffer from appears to be laziness, near obesity and just a general lack of empathy (better known as “I don’t give a fuck”. It can also be associated with old age. When I started trading in my jagershots for tea pots (the one with five roses in them not vodka and gin) I began thinking I must have a disease of sorts. After extensive research on the matter (google is my friend, after a near nervous breakdown a few years ago I once typed inn “why can’t I stop crying” and am now a pro on self-diagnosis), I have come up with a few reasons for why I can’t party all night and still wake up and have a functional day the next morning.
A few weeks ago I had a late night fueled with wine and long islands and only ventured out of my room the next day at 4:30 and no not AM but the next afternoon- I was horrified with myself and more appalled that I was upset not so much about my body no longer able to keep up with my partying spirit but more dismayed that I had “lost” my entire day. I hated that I had become the person concerned with losing time- my whole life was time not too long ago and there was always an opportunity to do something, even if that something was sitting in front of the TV for 7 hours watching re-runs of Friends I’d watched 27.73 times before. It made me sad to feel this way and to make up for it I quickly arose and was out with mates by 5pm for a few drinks again.
I have devised a list of things that make me hate myself at the moment and have decided to chalk each one up to either old or lazy. Both characteristics which I seem to have in abundance.
- I am somewhat disgusted with the sight of myself semi naked and tend to avoid mirrors that show me anything south of my neckline. (This is a tricky one as I am not by clinical terms obese or over weight, I have however put on about 10kgs in the last 2 years and though this one is easy to chalk up to being LAZY and even OLD, due to a slowing metabolism and blah blah. I do however prefer to call it being too comfortable with myself and happy with who I am. Self-loathing is 83% responsible for 74% of today’s super models so it can’t be too bad a thing (stats made up and in no way factual))
- I can’t party all night and still have a productive next day, this one never used to be that important but with a demanding job I have to be semi- alert at work. Rocking up half an hour late clutching a Vitamin Water like a life line is also somewhat of a red flag in the office. (This one is definitely OLD- there was a time where I could pretty much drink lighter fluid and still do a 5km run the next day, now I have a pallet refined enough to not only tell the difference between a cheap and expensive red wine; I can also tell when a bar used “fake” lime cordial and make a mental note to not return to those places. Now if I drink R60 glasses of wine and premium whiskey I still wake up feeling like death, I miss my Russian Bear with a fondness of a simpler time.)
- I no longer have an army of partying mates, I was once part of a force that was militant about merriment, a crew of at least 12 of us were always ready to go out and embarrass ourselves at least 6 out of the 7 days a week. (I attribute this to LAZY because these people still exist but friendships require work and you can only cancel so many times before you stop being part of the reliable party crew- these friends still exist in my life but they seem to have morphed into something sick and twisted that stay strong through afternoon sundowner (note the lack of plural) and dinner or brunches sometimes with no alcohol or music at all)
- I am now the person that can recall the previous night’s events from memory alone, no need to pool my mates’camera phone pictures from the night before and try to piece together the evening’s events through blurred pictures and slurring voice messages. There is no longer that hour or two completely missing from my life where not even my mates or pictures can account for my whereabouts (this is definitely without a doubt OLD- no explanation needed).
I am going to call this list quits now thought the truth is there are far more signs of this LAZY/OLD me, but I am getting to that age and it’s already past 9pm so I obviously need to get to bed and be well rested for the day ahead of me tomorrow. I may even try and wake up early to make it the gym because what google has also taught me is that even though OLD can’t be cured (despite what many plastic surgeons would like us to believe), there is still some hope for me get out of my lazy streak.